I dedicate this blogpost to Someone I Used To Know who is planning to walk down the aisle this weekend. (Disclaimer: Please don't think this blog post is written with any ill intentions as it is not)
My heartfelt Congratulations to this person! (God knows my heart)
I hope it is all they dreamed of and everything goes as planned. (with the exception of my not attending.)
They've grown up...a little. With still a long way to go. Hell, i'm still growing. But, i'm happy they'll have someone by their side to grow with them. I don't know anything about him, but from the little that I have heard the two of them are definitely made for each other. I can only wish them both all the best. Furman is my Soul Mate...maybe they are Soul Mates too. ???
Now, we can look back and laugh about some of the experiences that brought this person to this point. I certainly looked at mine. God is Good. For example, a look back at the last time this person thought they were going to get married was a lesson above all lessons. I'm glad they had that experience and that's all it was. I told them that God had something better for them and I was right. These things help you grow. I'm just happy I was there to help them through it, as it was a very tough time for them. It was a lesson nonetheless! It is said that if we don't learn certain lessons the first time that we will often go through the same or something similar again. That is soo true! I don't mind sharing lessons in hope that others can spare themselves things that others have gone through already. Too many times people get into relationships and have blinders on, or rose colored glasses. Has anyone ever told you you were looking through rose colored glasses? lol In this persons case, it was definitely the blinders. That's what happens when we are young and dumb. We want someone to love us so bad that when we think we've found it, that person can do no wrong. We see nothing, hear nothing, speak nothing bad about that person. We live in LaLa Land. Trust me, I've been there too. lol I was wearing the glasses. Just wait until I get into my own stories. hahaha
Several years back, this person had chosen not to speak to me for what I believe was a year or so. I can't even tell you why because I really don't know. Neither did they, as they eventually admitted. I guess it's because i'm such a horrible person as they say now. Yeah...i'll stick with that excuse. Sounds good. smh. I had taken this person into my home during their time of need when they didn't have anywhere else to go supposedly....and after I tried to address issues of my being taken advantage of, the person moved out and stopped speaking with me. Really!! Then out of the blue, they turned to me in another time of need. What nerve? Their boyfriend had died. A boyfriend I had never met because we had not been on good terms. Well, although I had been treated like crap by being stricken from their life for so long...I still sprung into action because that's just me (the horrible person) and because I loved this person more than they could understand. They called ME for help. Wonder why? So I put all else aside and was there, no questions asked. After all, it was the right thing to do. I have my mother's heart. Here is where something I said earlier comes into play...because I ended up taking this person back into my home a second time. I didn't learn the lesson the first time!
Anyways....in helping this person deal with all that resulted from the deceased boyfriend, all his skeletons started to come flying out of the closet. I mean flying!! We had to duck there were so many. Turns out, the boyfriend not only had another girlfriend that was with him when he died, but he also had a wife out of town. What? Oh yeah. But these two lived together! So, I had to help this person remove everything they could from where they lived before the wife could reach town to claim stuff. The family gave permission for the stuff to be taken. Go figure. I ended up using my own contacts to arrange a truck and MY friends to move the items. Not sure where their friends were? Oh, but one was there - the BFF. Awesome girl. Where was this person supposed to go? This person didn't have anywhere. So, the items ended up at my house in my garage while they stayed at my home. I wasn't asked...it just happened. Good thing I had a room available, although it wouldn't have mattered at the time. Imagine that...after not having spoken to me for over a year they now end up living with me...yet again! How could I? Did I not learn the first time? Guess not. But the love I had for this person was that great. Love makes you do crazy things, but it doesn't give you permission to walk all over me.
During this time of grief, all the skeletons flying out of the closet helped to turn that grief into anger. Once we were able to start going through items stored in the garage to give as donation, more and more info was coming to light. Oh yeah. This man was not 25-27 yrs old that was believed, his birth certificate showed him to be like 36! Damn, he was around my age! lol Oh..but it gets worse. He not only had a wife in another part of Canada, but he had a wife in another country. A wife and child actually. A child that this person had helped to provide for, not knowing it was the man's own child. Hell....I was angry and hurt at what this person had to go through. This was some made for TV stuff. I couldn't believe this was really happening. So, at the Wake, it was soo uncomfortable. I ended up going for support and was happy to be there to give it. I'm not sure I could have gone if it was my own situation. It was just soo weird watching people give their condolences to the other girlfriend as well as this person. The two wives and child weren't present, thank God. It was crazy. Luckily, we got out of there quick enough to close a chapter of this persons life. Lesson learned? Hopefully. How someone can pretend to be 10 years younger than they were, hide two wives, a child and a local girlfriend while they are living with another is beyond me. Like I said, I never met the dude although I later saw photos. I don't get it. He couldn't have been that good with his game. I chalk it up to being young and dumb. When you are trying to be an adult and have adult relationships with no experience, you have no clue what the signs of infidelity are. You just have no clue of things that just aren't right. I've been there. In this case, I wasn't originally around to give my usual great advice and point out things that didn't seem right, until..... lol Thank God this person got through it. They were tough and got closer to God at the time. I'll take a little credit for that. I go to church every Sunday so they came with me while they stayed in my home and God did the rest. The result, they got baptized. I was so proud. Not sure if they go to church any more though. All in all, they have their knight in shining armor now and I wish them the absolute best. Now, this is an experience you can look back and laugh at. It's why I mention it, not out of malice. Reflection is always good as it makes us appreciate where we are at when we are reminded of where we have been.
Unfortunately, we are back where we were before - not speaking. At least this time I can say why. Although, when the person left my home for a second time, they stopped speaking to me just like they did the first time. No real reason. I guess they were done with me again for a while, didn't need my help with anything else..NEXT! There is MY lesson learned. See? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Same result with nobody to blame but myself. But, I will spare the details of why we aren't talking this time or you will be reading forever, like this isn't long enough. lol. Besides, there are always three sides to every story. People need to keep that in mind. I'll just say that it will NEVER happen a third time! This time may have worked itself out just like the first time if it weren't for an evil third party in another city that loves to incite drama. As a result, horrible things were said to me that can't be taken back. Nooo..This time is much different...it's been @4yrs. But, instead of time making things better, this person just keeps making things worse. They haven't learned THEIR lesson. What lesson is that? Hmm..maybe it's just keeping your mouth shut sometimes and to stop sending messages about things that need to be dealt with in person. So, they keep doing the same thing and sending nasty messages (kept them all) and talking behind my back instead of in person. The result..the same. It's Insanity! (Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.) We are at an impasse.
Oh, but I can dish it back if I need to. I don't just sit there and keep taking it. Don't you worry! Funny thing is, when I dished it back the last time, I gave them warning because they wouldn't stop. lol Then I dished it back and apologized all in the same message. hahaha. After all, they made me do it! :) I had to show that I can be just as nasty too but just choose not to be. That's the difference. Will they ever get it? It's amazing how people seem to have so much balls when they hide behind written word. I can never get a face to face, and i'm not even a violent person.
Nope, we don't need to be in each others lives. I don't like people inciting me to be how I am not. I've learned MY lesson so I am doing something different, I'm not letting anything this person does or says affect me. Why do people treat the ones they love the worst? Because we take the ones we love for granted and assume they love us just the same and will never leave us no matter what. I've already given this relationship to God. He will decide what becomes of it. I have forgiven this person and thank them for this experience, but some things are just beyond our own repair. I will love the good memories of Someone I Used To Know. And,..wish them a lifetime of happiness to boot.
Now, don't get me wrong. We met in person once and tried to clarify some things..work things out..whatever you want to call it. I came prepared with all the nastiness printed to address what had been said to myself and others. Funny how people have selective memory. Our meeting helped me with forgiveness of that person and moving on. It was like closure and I thank them. A bigger issue was FORGIVING MYSELF for allowing this person to abuse me for a second time. Because of what this person had meant to me and who they were - that took longer. But I did. As the nastiness continues, (because they didn't get the reaction to our meeting that they wanted) it reaffirms for me that I don't need this person in my life right now. I'm happy without them, they are happy without me...they just need to move on. If you can't enhance my life then you don't need to be part of it. It is what it is. So, they tell everyone they apologized to make themselves look good but not that they are still being abusive. They refuse to meet in person again because they see "no point" but rather hide behind the keyboard and monitor "because they would spend less energy building a house". Growing up is still needed. This is one of the reasons why I refused to attend this wedding. The knife in my back would mess up my dress. Our separation continues. My mom will be there as my stand-in. She sounded disappointed when she asked me for like the 10th time if I was attending this wedding without her. Hated to disappoint her...but this is something she will have to do without me. lol I'm with her in spirit. She understands. She'll be fine. I've worked so hard to make it so. She'll be mom for the day, and minus the gift it will only cost her about $25 for the gas to Niagara Falls. Sad! That people would take a wedding as an opportunity to try and make extra cash by gouging people for gas money, when they are already going to the same place. Maybe the happy couple will reimburse mom for her expenses. lol Since the mom that raised this person was not invited. I would.
Who needs me anyways? lol Furman does...my mom does....my children do. That's everything to me and I don't need to convince anyone of it. I'll love this person from a distance because of who they are and not what they are. Someone I Used To Know. But that doesn't mean I don't want the best for them. Enjoy!
Some people will be there physically for you in your bad times, and be happy for you while being there in spirit for your good times. That says to me that they would rather see you in good situations by not being around to create bad situations making both unhappy. A person of good character always thinks of others.
This weekend...I will be having a blast doing something that I've been waiting to do for some time now. Oh ..but I wont share until I return. I'll miss my daughter who was supposed to be joining us but wont be joining us anymore. It's definitely not another Spartan Race....hahahahaha Nope Mud Hero is in August.
Have an awesome Long Weekend people.
(Sorry for the extra long post but hope you enjoyed it)
And again...Congrats to Someone I Used To Know!
I'm sure you'll have an absolutely awesome wedding (mine was) and will look just beautiful (I did).
After all........
I just had to post this song. Love it!
My heartfelt Congratulations to this person! (God knows my heart)
I hope it is all they dreamed of and everything goes as planned. (with the exception of my not attending.)
They've grown up...a little. With still a long way to go. Hell, i'm still growing. But, i'm happy they'll have someone by their side to grow with them. I don't know anything about him, but from the little that I have heard the two of them are definitely made for each other. I can only wish them both all the best. Furman is my Soul Mate...maybe they are Soul Mates too. ???
Several years back, this person had chosen not to speak to me for what I believe was a year or so. I can't even tell you why because I really don't know. Neither did they, as they eventually admitted. I guess it's because i'm such a horrible person as they say now. Yeah...i'll stick with that excuse. Sounds good. smh. I had taken this person into my home during their time of need when they didn't have anywhere else to go supposedly....and after I tried to address issues of my being taken advantage of, the person moved out and stopped speaking with me. Really!! Then out of the blue, they turned to me in another time of need. What nerve? Their boyfriend had died. A boyfriend I had never met because we had not been on good terms. Well, although I had been treated like crap by being stricken from their life for so long...I still sprung into action because that's just me (the horrible person) and because I loved this person more than they could understand. They called ME for help. Wonder why? So I put all else aside and was there, no questions asked. After all, it was the right thing to do. I have my mother's heart. Here is where something I said earlier comes into play...because I ended up taking this person back into my home a second time. I didn't learn the lesson the first time!
Anyways....in helping this person deal with all that resulted from the deceased boyfriend, all his skeletons started to come flying out of the closet. I mean flying!! We had to duck there were so many. Turns out, the boyfriend not only had another girlfriend that was with him when he died, but he also had a wife out of town. What? Oh yeah. But these two lived together! So, I had to help this person remove everything they could from where they lived before the wife could reach town to claim stuff. The family gave permission for the stuff to be taken. Go figure. I ended up using my own contacts to arrange a truck and MY friends to move the items. Not sure where their friends were? Oh, but one was there - the BFF. Awesome girl. Where was this person supposed to go? This person didn't have anywhere. So, the items ended up at my house in my garage while they stayed at my home. I wasn't asked...it just happened. Good thing I had a room available, although it wouldn't have mattered at the time. Imagine that...after not having spoken to me for over a year they now end up living with me...yet again! How could I? Did I not learn the first time? Guess not. But the love I had for this person was that great. Love makes you do crazy things, but it doesn't give you permission to walk all over me.During this time of grief, all the skeletons flying out of the closet helped to turn that grief into anger. Once we were able to start going through items stored in the garage to give as donation, more and more info was coming to light. Oh yeah. This man was not 25-27 yrs old that was believed, his birth certificate showed him to be like 36! Damn, he was around my age! lol Oh..but it gets worse. He not only had a wife in another part of Canada, but he had a wife in another country. A wife and child actually. A child that this person had helped to provide for, not knowing it was the man's own child. Hell....I was angry and hurt at what this person had to go through. This was some made for TV stuff. I couldn't believe this was really happening. So, at the Wake, it was soo uncomfortable. I ended up going for support and was happy to be there to give it. I'm not sure I could have gone if it was my own situation. It was just soo weird watching people give their condolences to the other girlfriend as well as this person. The two wives and child weren't present, thank God. It was crazy. Luckily, we got out of there quick enough to close a chapter of this persons life. Lesson learned? Hopefully. How someone can pretend to be 10 years younger than they were, hide two wives, a child and a local girlfriend while they are living with another is beyond me. Like I said, I never met the dude although I later saw photos. I don't get it. He couldn't have been that good with his game. I chalk it up to being young and dumb. When you are trying to be an adult and have adult relationships with no experience, you have no clue what the signs of infidelity are. You just have no clue of things that just aren't right. I've been there. In this case, I wasn't originally around to give my usual great advice and point out things that didn't seem right, until..... lol Thank God this person got through it. They were tough and got closer to God at the time. I'll take a little credit for that. I go to church every Sunday so they came with me while they stayed in my home and God did the rest. The result, they got baptized. I was so proud. Not sure if they go to church any more though. All in all, they have their knight in shining armor now and I wish them the absolute best. Now, this is an experience you can look back and laugh at. It's why I mention it, not out of malice. Reflection is always good as it makes us appreciate where we are at when we are reminded of where we have been.
Unfortunately, we are back where we were before - not speaking. At least this time I can say why. Although, when the person left my home for a second time, they stopped speaking to me just like they did the first time. No real reason. I guess they were done with me again for a while, didn't need my help with anything else..NEXT! There is MY lesson learned. See? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Same result with nobody to blame but myself. But, I will spare the details of why we aren't talking this time or you will be reading forever, like this isn't long enough. lol. Besides, there are always three sides to every story. People need to keep that in mind. I'll just say that it will NEVER happen a third time! This time may have worked itself out just like the first time if it weren't for an evil third party in another city that loves to incite drama. As a result, horrible things were said to me that can't be taken back. Nooo..This time is much different...it's been @4yrs. But, instead of time making things better, this person just keeps making things worse. They haven't learned THEIR lesson. What lesson is that? Hmm..maybe it's just keeping your mouth shut sometimes and to stop sending messages about things that need to be dealt with in person. So, they keep doing the same thing and sending nasty messages (kept them all) and talking behind my back instead of in person. The result..the same. It's Insanity! (Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.) We are at an impasse.
Oh, but I can dish it back if I need to. I don't just sit there and keep taking it. Don't you worry! Funny thing is, when I dished it back the last time, I gave them warning because they wouldn't stop. lol Then I dished it back and apologized all in the same message. hahaha. After all, they made me do it! :) I had to show that I can be just as nasty too but just choose not to be. That's the difference. Will they ever get it? It's amazing how people seem to have so much balls when they hide behind written word. I can never get a face to face, and i'm not even a violent person.
Nope, we don't need to be in each others lives. I don't like people inciting me to be how I am not. I've learned MY lesson so I am doing something different, I'm not letting anything this person does or says affect me. Why do people treat the ones they love the worst? Because we take the ones we love for granted and assume they love us just the same and will never leave us no matter what. I've already given this relationship to God. He will decide what becomes of it. I have forgiven this person and thank them for this experience, but some things are just beyond our own repair. I will love the good memories of Someone I Used To Know. And,..wish them a lifetime of happiness to boot.
Who needs me anyways? lol Furman does...my mom does....my children do. That's everything to me and I don't need to convince anyone of it. I'll love this person from a distance because of who they are and not what they are. Someone I Used To Know. But that doesn't mean I don't want the best for them. Enjoy!
Some people will be there physically for you in your bad times, and be happy for you while being there in spirit for your good times. That says to me that they would rather see you in good situations by not being around to create bad situations making both unhappy. A person of good character always thinks of others.
This weekend...I will be having a blast doing something that I've been waiting to do for some time now. Oh ..but I wont share until I return. I'll miss my daughter who was supposed to be joining us but wont be joining us anymore. It's definitely not another Spartan Race....hahahahaha Nope Mud Hero is in August.
Have an awesome Long Weekend people.
(Sorry for the extra long post but hope you enjoyed it)
And again...Congrats to Someone I Used To Know!
I'm sure you'll have an absolutely awesome wedding (mine was) and will look just beautiful (I did).
After all........
Wow, this is truly a story worth reading. Although sad, I completely understand and see the need to keep people like that out of your life. Negative people literally put a cloud over your sunshine. Continue to shine like the true loving spirit that you are. You've come this far and risen above it all.
ReplyDeleteOne last thought, I would like to think that this individual that has hurt you on numerous occasions will eventually grow up, but clearly I don't see that happening even in light of the impending nuptials. It is what it is. You have a loving husband and 2 phenomenal children, this persons negative should never make you feel any less worthy of the love that you get from them and from the countless others who also adore you and see your true worth as a mother, sister(closest one I've ever has), friend, cousin, niece You are a phenomenal woman and nothing can take away from that!
It is unfortunate that ‘Someone you used to know’ has not yet really matured to understand and appreciate you for the kind and loving person you truly are. Don’t let that kind of attitude rain on your parade. Patience and maturity will resolve this. Miracles do happen.
ReplyDelete