At my desk I have an old email I once received from my son, that I printed and posted for my daily reminder. It's amazing how something so simple can mean so very much. This email means the world to me and having it posted at my desk is almost like having it framed at home. lol I don't think my son really knows how his random email touched my heart, and continues to touch my heart daily. It was random, which makes it that much more special. In the middle of my work day I checked my personal email and there it was. I needed that! I don't remember what was going on at the time but I know that I needed that! God knew. He sure did.
My son was living in Ottawa attending Carleton University and as students naturally do, he was going through common struggles. As a single mom, I was killing myself to do everything I could for him. Looking back now, i'm thinking that maybe I did too much. He was alone out there, while we were here. I guess he had a lot of time to think and reflect. I was missing him and going through a bit of an Empty Nest Sydrome although I still had my daughter at home with me. It's funny how after I adjusted and he started to visit I couldn't wait for him to go back to school though. haha My daughter and I bonded a bit more as mother and daughter. In a way, we started to become friends. Started.
I'll never forget that September weekend in 2007 when I left him to start a new chapter of his life, at a new school, in a strange city. It was hard as hell. I have no clue why he picked a school out of town. Was he trying to get away from me? lol I think it was because of his friends, because he later tried to change his mind but it was too late - residence fees had been paid. I traveled there with a few people to help bring his belongings that weekend. After he said his goodbyes to everyone in the parking lot, I walked him back to his dorm room where I did my best to hold back my tears. We hugged each other real hard, (he's about 6'3 so you know my neck was sore) and I am sure he shed a tear first. He might not admit it...but I know he did, because when I got that feeling that he was crying I couldn't hold back my own tears. What a moment! Love my son. A great memory.
You know what though...that weekend we traveled to move my son into his dorm room was a weekend that I was supposed to be in Florida for a dear friends wedding. I hated to have to turn the invitation down. It was the wedding of a mutual friend of mine and Furmans that I met through Furman the first time we dated. She had been waiting for this day and swore for years that she wanted to get married before she was 40! I hadn't seen or really spoken to Furman for years at that point. However, if I had been able to attend the wedding, I would have seen him, live and in the flesh. That, might have given us the opportunity to talk like we finally did in March of 2009. Sort a few things out. I'm just saying...if I had made that wedding, Furman and I just might have gotten back together much earlier than we did. But...I guess it wasn't a part of God's plan. I think God still had some things for Furman and I to separately go through and learn before we were ready for each other. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. lol Many things played out in our lives, or as Furman says, "ran their course" and for good reason. Now, Our Love is stronger than ever. I chose this as one of the songs on our Wedding CD. Any ideas why? I'll tell ya...Because of the number of years we were apart from each other and because of our distance...we kept our love for each other.
Aww...just listen to the lyrics! lol
Anyways....I just wanted to share my email because I was sitting here reading it once again with a big smile on my face. When I am having my moments of feeling like an inadequate parent, when nasty people accuse me of being a horrible parent, when my kids act like fools and I wonder What The Hell?....I go back to this email!! I did alright! I really did. Don't get me wrong, I know that parenting is never done, but to this point I feel ok. My children are both in transitional stages of their lives wanting and trying to be adults. I can't do any more. It's time for me to sit back and watch their lives unfold. Give advice when they want it because they never really listen otherwise. But...we love them anyways. God knew what this email would mean to me, which is why he put it in my sons heart to send it to me that day. For that, I am grateful and will treasure this email always.
Thank You Son.
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