Whitney said it for me......

After spending 6 hours today watching the Going Home Celebration for Whitney Houston on CNN I took some time to reflect. A few songs sung at the service really touched my soul. Ie. "Stand" by Donnie McClurkin and "I Look To You" originally sung by Whitney Houston but sang at the service by R.Kelly.  She has a great library of songs but the one I have posted is one of the songs that has touched me the most because of it's meaning. It came at a time when Whitney felt she had survived her darkest hours and I know how that feels because I have survived my own. A dirty little secret (not drugs) that I haven't shared with many......but a part of my life that has made me stronger because I got through it. "I was not built to break" 

Life is great now. God has blessed me richly.  I LOVE YOU FURMAN.

"I Didn't Know My Own Strength!"

But, I still have what is like an Achilles Heel that just takes me back to a painful place sometimes. I think Whitney had hers too. I know that God is good and I try not to forget.(Psalm 40:1-3) I surround myself with those that lift me up and love me because they see my spirit and who I am. While they may not know all that I have been through, they know that I'm a survivor and that I'm a better person because of my trials. I'm sure that Whitney was too. Often enough, a smile remained so that others would not know I was going through anything. Almost like Whitney on stage. I felt like too many expected me to fail and I couldn't let that happen. In Whitney's case, too many expected her to be perfect, but she wasn't. So while the media and others dog Whitney out for her drug addictions, etc...nobody really has a clue how she punished herself for her own failures. But, i'm sure she did. I did. I have media too, and those are some of the people that I have the most love for but who are just who they are. They sit and wait for the next big story, or for the opportunity to dog me to others but not to me directly. Gee....sounds a bit like Whitney. Yet many were on hand to see her Going Home. It was awesome how the song "Don't Cry For Me" sang by CeCe Winans fit in.

"And I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble"

While I have many pains that I have conquered, I have pains that I still have not. I think that was Whitney's problem too. One of my biggest hurts is the rejection by my two younger sisters because I am not perfect and by the father that wont even take the time to get to know me, his only child. Of all that I have been through in life, those are the pains that I still struggle to deal with because they are caused by people I have the most love for. I love my sisters more than they could ever imagine. But, my imperfections keep us apart. They are the drugs in my life. Take them and you hurt, take too much and you hurt more. I guess this was how Whitney may have felt about Bobby. So, for the last several years I've been saying No to drugs. "I Look To You" With about 15 yrs difference in our ages, I believe that my sisters just haven't learned to appreciate life's lessons that people go through that make them who they are. Instead, they judge me for the few mistakes they know I've made (good thing they don't know them all) instead of loving me for the person those mistakes have molded me into. We didn't grow up together, so they really don't know me at all. And while one has apologized for the reprehensible things she has said to me and to others about me, knowing that she meant those things and just apologizes for saying them is where my heart aches sometimes.  

"I picked myself back up, I hold my head up high"

So....I give it to God.

I am so full of Love right now that the other pains don't hurt like they used to. Don't get me wrong, they are still there. God will take care of that in his own time. In the meantime, I have found "The Greatest Love Of All". I do love myself! God has blessed me with awesome children and a wonderful husband because HE loves me. I am loved UNCONDITIONALLY!! Others, I love from a distance.  In time, I know God will work the rest out.

"When You Believe"

R.I.P Whitney Houston. Thank you for sharing your wonderful voice with the world. Thank you to your family for taking the world to church today.   Romans 8:28-31 ".....Because if God is for us, who can be against us?"