Oct 6, 2011 - "So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matt 19:6

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Not A Grudge - A Choice

I found the need to clarify for someone yesterday via Facebook Inbox message (with an invitation to meet in person for further clarity) that just because I choose to no longer have a relationship with them that it doesn't mean that I am holding a grudge and being unforgiving. It doesn't mean that I don't love them.  Many people no longer have relationships with people they love. Sometimes it's called Divorce! They just can't get along. Irreconcilable differences! You no longer LIKE the person you love.  In fact, it took me a while, but I have forgiven those that have previously hurt me which is why I am able to laugh about what has transpired over the last few days. I also hope that anyone that I may have hurt has forgiven me also...including the ones that keep throwing stones at me. If not...they should deal with that. Free themselves. I am! I was able to reach this point by giving it to God and by allowing the happiness brought to me by my husband sop me up like a sponge. Difficulties arise at times, there are moments, because while you may forgive, you can't forget...or like the last few days...you are given a reminder. Then, my husband makes a comment that cracks me up because he is sooo right.  (Can't tell ya what it is though..lol)


My big problem was, that after I forgave them, I had a terrible time forgiving myself for allowing them to hurt me in the first place. I have a habit of taking responsibility for things that other people do sometimes that affect me. Drives my kids nuts at times...lol I always rewind several steps back to find a choice that I made or didn't make that brought me to someone else's actions. For example, you allow someone into your heart and they hurt you, so you blame yourself for allowing them into your heart in the first place..instead of blaming them for what they did. lol I know it's not something I should be doing all the time, but I still do it. Working on it.  My husband is a hard ass and an awesome voice of reason....so i'll be fine! He'll set me straight and have me cracking up the whole time.


This post has been recycled on Facebook several times. I "LIKE" it because I can relate.  It's me! I've stopped settling for anything less than I deserve which is why I've let go of relationships that aren't working. Hold onto those that are.

A couple days ago someone I love but don't speak to almost sucked me in to one of those stupid public online exchanges after they posted a comment to this post that could be interpreted as a "dig" at me. I responded as nice as I could (after all, the post wasn't on my page) and then it was followed up with a response that I made sure not to address. Trying to be the bigger person. I'm happy that the page owner pointed out the inappropriateness of taking an uplifting quote to begin an online argument. If I had requested an argument not begin online I can guarantee that I would have been attacked online anyways. But, arguments take two....that's why I didn't respond. Avoid Deja Vu! - Timeline.  Didn't really work!  See below.

So, that's what brought me to the Facebook Inbox message I mentioned at the start. I wanted to make sure the person knew that they were wrong and that I was making a conscious choice to stay away, not holding a grudge. lol Loving from a distance. They always try to make it seem like I am the bad person who is holding a grudge and not being forgiving of others when they are holding a serious grudge and being unforgiving of someone else. The pot calling the kettle black. They want people to believe that they are trying to mend things when they are only being even nastier to draw us even further apart. (If that's even possible) As I said...I asked to meet in person to talk so that written words could not be misinterpreted, etc. But, as history goes the person prefers to write their messages where they can spend time and think of their responses...make sure its a good one. Erase parts that aren't nasty enough...lol  Instead of meeting in person where there can be an intellectual conversation. (If possible) So...they begin an exchange that started out nice and turned nasty clearly because the person doesn't want to meet in person and still has issues. I'm not sure why though. It's funny. I swear it's like a Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde thing. A bit Bi-Polar I was thinking. Bottom line, the person feels safe behind the keyboard as opposed to saying let's have coffee and talk. If only some people knew the stuff that's been written to me. They'd see this person in a whole new light...just like I have. LOL I try not to stoop to their level sometimes....but sometimes I just gotta see if I have it in me. Can I be as hurtful as they are? Hey, i'm human. There was a time when this stuff would have me all upset. Now, it's a joke. Seriously. The contradictions and being hypocritical. The person lives in a glass house and throws stones. It's ok though because they own their house (NOT!) and pay someone else's  their mortgage unlike other family members they claim. Now if that isn't trying to put yourself on a pedestal higher than others I don't know what is. Someone needs to smell themselves..lol

I could never repeat stuff that was written to me because it was too nasty and would probably hurt another person that was also attacked in these same messages. The person they are still holding a grudge against. I save it all though, for good laughs and a reminder. Lest We Forget! So my requests to meet in person before and after they got nasty were rejected (Yup, they said they didn't want to meet in person, again. After saying let's do it. lol) although they keep saying the ball is in my court. Gheez....if I serve the ball to you and you run away with it instead of serving it back....I think i'm in this alone!  lol

At the end of the day, the person blocked me from Facebook. They weren't friends anyways so i'm not heartbroken. It only allows me to continue to live in peace without the drama I can do without. And...it shows me once again that this person JUST AINT READY FOR THIS!!  lol My awesomeness is hard to be around sometimes. Just ask my husband. God threw away the mold when he made me although I see a lot of my mother's awesomeness in myself. Something I can be proud of. I ended my exchange with that person before they blocked me by apologizing for my reciprocated nastiness. That's just me. And, my letting them know that when they grow up that I am still willing to meet IN PERSON to talk. I'm not a violent person. Never have been. Although my thoughts often do some damage...hahahaha God forgive me.  Lord knows that this person could use a good beat down. But...it's not my fight. I'll continue to pray for them and wish them the best. When they grow up, they can laugh at their own nastiness cause like I said...I keep everything. Some people always say to me "You are better than me" lol because of my reactions and actions to things. It's just me though. Always trying to stay focused on why God has us here in the first place and it's not to live without joy and peace. We are to honor God and if I act like this person does I wouldn't be doing that. So, God will deal with me  on my slips. My temporary moments of insanity where I had to throw an insult or two back. Turn the other cheek? Man...my cheeks have been slapped so many times by this person I haven't got much left to turn. lol  So, I had some backbone! Said my peace.....got BLOCKED!

Life is good!

I share my experiences so that others can learn. In this case, when you have an opportunity to meet with someone in person and possibly fix a bad situation, take it...don't throw coals on a burning ember. My post is in no way meant to trash the other person for I love them dearly. I just want others to do better when dealing with broken relationships. I want them to do better. I'm trying to do better.

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